Having been raised in a household where my parents worked most of the time and my grandparents taught me most of what I know, I didn't exactly grow up in a conventional American way. In fact, I would think this is how most first-generation Asian Americans were raised. My parents immigrated here and worked their butts off to provide my siblings and me with the best opportunities. It was a tremendous sacrifice on their parts to uproot their lives and work menial jobs in the US. Take my father. He leaves home no later than 8AM and doesn't arrive back at home till 9:30PM or later. My mother still works six days a week. They showed their parental love for us kids by working and making sure we have a roof over our heads and food on the table. To compensate for their absense, my grandparents took care of us and taught us the basics of life.
When I was 11, my mother had my sister. The difference in our age made my relationship with my sister different. Early on, it was mostly a sibling relationship. I enjoyed helping take care of my baby sister. We'd watch tv together, played together, and ate instant ramen together. But as years went by and I went from middle school to high school to college and to adult life, I found myself more and more in a parental role. My grandparents were getting older and didn't have the patience to raise another child. My parents were still in their work-and-make-money mentality, and they didn't really have a lot of parental experience. That left a lot of the teaching and raising to me. It was tough. It wasn't exactly a parent-child relationship, and that made it very difficult. When should I be a brother and listen or hang out? When should I be a "parent" and teach her lessons in life? The line was very blurry and I found myself going back and forth. It even caused friction at times. The only saving grace is that she is getting older (she turned 16 recently). I'm going from telling her what to do to guiding her. With age, she becomes closer to being a peer, a truer sibling.
But going back to my original thoughts. This little foray into parenting got me thinking. How will I fare when I have a child? I would be fully responsible (hopefully with a partner) for the upbringing of a child. How would things turn out? Will they rebel and turn into punks? Or will they appreciate my efforts and sacrifices as a parent? Then I think about Richard E. Hoyt Jr. and his father. Now that is an amazing story.
Rick has cerebral palsy and cannot speak or walk. But after entering a charity race with his father pushing him in a wheelchair for five miles, they've been in over 950 races including 25 marathons. Here is a link to an article Rick "wrote". There's also a video of their experiences. Now if that doesn't bring a tear to your eye. I don't know what will.
In the end, I don't know if I would have the courage and strength that Rick's father had. But I hope I would be a balanced father. Someone who would make sacrifices like my parents to provide for my children, someone who would teach and raise them, and someone who would take time to be there for them. Whether I'm out rolling in the grass or reading "The Little Engine that Could" for the hundredth time. Whether I'm teaching them how to ride a bicycle or yelling at them for little mishaps, I want to be there.
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